What if one's sins were worn on the outside, like some sort of jacket that showed people the person's true actions? Would (s)he feel worse or more ashamed?
I think I would. Which leads me to ask, do I fool myself about sin? Do I feel worse about my sin if I get caught or suffer some sort of immediate, lasting consequence? It is far easier to ignore all my sins until it’s time for an examination of conscience an hour before Saturday confession. But I shouldn’t ignore my sin and push it to the back of my brain until I’m forced to pull it forward. That makes it too easy to start a register and add to it daily with little thought or consideration.
My sin should be in the front of my mind. I should feel guilty about sins of which I am guilty, not just sins from which I feel lasting effects which force me to keep the sin in the fore of my head.
Lets look at an example of sinning and lasting effects, but in a different way. Take for example a person who engages in intercourse outside of a sacramental marriage one time. This person may immediately regret their decision and feel remorse. However, what if a pregnancy results from this one act, becoming a physical display and reminder of the sin. Would this compound the guilty feelings? Why should it? The pregnancy itself is not a sin itself, but a consequence of one. I'd imagine the loss of sanctity and chastity would be distressing, but would that person not be able to regain a feeling of spiritual health after confessing? In thinking about that, if it was me, I have the distinct impression that I would carry guilty and shameful feelings long after confessing if a pregnancy resulted from the single act, much moreso than if it didn't.
What about lying? A lie is a lie, white or otherwise. If I know my lie has hurt someone, I experience guilt that far exceeds that which I experience after telling a “white” lie that has resulted in no ostensible harm. What does this say about my experience of sin and of reconciliation?
What do these examples tell us about how we, as children of God, view our sins and experience guilt? While obsession with our own sin is a sin in itself, perhaps we do need to dig deeper in our consciences to find the source of guilt. I should think that if we experience guilt for a reason other than the sins we have committed (i.e. judgment of others, seeing obvious effects) it is difficult to determine whether we feel guilty for the sin at all.
2 comments:
Ah Jenny, another well-written meditation. Not feeling bad about sin is probably the #1 reason most people (most Catholics especially) don't go to confession. At first you'd think the reason people think confession is "silly" or something "they wouldn't do" is because it would be embarassing for them. But in reality, that aside, not confessing one's sins must stem from not seriously thinking about them or feeling any sort of remorse. Because if you truly felt sorry for what you did, you'd be in that confessional in the blink of an eye. Thanks Jen, and Pax Christi.
I do like the image you used Jenny. Commenting on Orthodavid's post, the screen used in the western church is completely optional, which is awesome. I've never done a confession that wasn't face to face. I figure, if the priest is in persona Christe then I definitely should face him.
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